iPhone App Store Has Plenty of Games for Your New Brick

[Update: The iTunes Store servers are happily humming along again. About time.]

I love my iPhone. I'm somewhat less fond of the brick that's currently attached to my computer. The plan was simple. Wake up, download firmware 2.0, walk my dog, Redman, and return to play some Super Monkey Ball before starting my day. Alas, Steve Jobs and company had other plans.

I have been one of those (apparently) rare gamers genuinely excited to see the iPhone get games. What's not to like about a phone with a high-res screen and processing power to match the PSP and an interface that's the equal of the Nintendo DS? Who cares that Apple has a horrible track record with gaming. Pippin Shmippin. With more than 160+ games available on Day One of the App Store's debut, the iPhone was sitting pretty on top of one of the biggest console launches in history. Now it's just sitting, inert, on my desk.

The problem is the iTunes store. I had no difficulty downloading the firmware, and iTunes readily obliged when I asked it to update my phone. It happily 'restored' the device, first backing up and then deleting all data before loading the new software. Apparently, however, when the phone reboots it needs to connect to the iTunes store to reactivate your service. That's when I first became friends with "error -9838".

Error 9838 is Apple-speak for "We didn't bother to check and maintain a connection to the iTunes store before wiping your phone and now you're fucked, buddy." 9838 is at least a consistent friend; it likes to stick around, no matter how many times I disconnect and then reconnect the phone to my computer. He's also very popular, as a quick Google search revealed. Fortunately, 9838 is considerate as well. While I can't use any of the features of my phone, including the one that let's you call people, it does give me the ability to dial 911, which is a good thing. After I hurl this useless piece of crap at the wall, I'll have likely sprained my wrist and want to call a doctor. Or an insane asylum.

Several hours later, it turns out, 9838 abandoned me for a much less buxom error, the simple but mysterious "unknown error -4." The phone still won't work, but at least I've got a different number to stare at for the next 40 minutes. After reading a few (somewhere in the neighborhood of a million) posts online I learned that some people were having success switching between the tab for the iTunes store and the iPhone tab until their connection stuck. I'm doing that particular jig as I write this. I just hope no one needs to get in touch with me, by phone or otherwise, because I'm not leaving until this thing works.

Call me bullheaded, but I actually need to have a working phone. I'm one of those people who doesn't even have a land line because, hey, I've got an iPhone, and Apple stuff, you know, it just works. Pfft.

Recently, I was arrogantly observing that technology has finally outpaced the 1950s dreams of Dick Tracy watch phones. My iPhone does everything Dick Tracy's watch ever did. Sure, it doesn't do video calls, but I think it's clear to everyone now that the last thing you want when you make a Chinese food order at 4 in the morning is to see the person on the other end of the line. Everything else, I've got covered. I don't even wear a watch anymore. The iPhone knows where I am, tells me where I need to be and gives me quick access to videos of people humping their living room furniture. Or at least it did.

Just yesterday I was taunting a friend because he was going to have to get up early and stand in line at the Apple Store before he could get his Super Monkey Ball on. I meanwhile would simply download the software in my underwear and be playing the game before he even opened the box. I told him I'd try to give him a call and tell him about the game while he stood in line.

Clearly, that's not going to happen anytime soon. Right now, I'm too busy babysitting the $500 brick at my side. At least my friend only paid $200 for his.

Update: Information Week is reporting that the problem is indeed due to Apple's servers being overwhelmed. Duh.